I have been waiting for Madison, Maddy for short, my  entire life. After 3 boys, and being 39 years old,  divorced, single, and basically  financially drained, having another child was the last thing I ever expected. Now looking back, one short year ago, I cannot imagine my life, and all our lives without her. I love every part of her including her Down Syndrome which is part of her and what makes her the little perfect person that she is with this wonderful little soul.

She exceeds all my  expectations,  on having a daughter. There are NO words too describe the love I feel for her. She is as BEAUTIFUL  on the outside as she is on the inside I would not trade her or any part of her  including her  Down Syndrome. When she looks at me with her beautiful blue eyes, I see gratitude. Madison, and I along with my other kids, Went down a long hard road last year, but she was worth  it, and I would do it all again too have her in my life. 

From the  FIRST  set of blood tests, many red flags, ultrasounds, Genetic Counseling, funny looks from nurses and specialists, finally an Amnio was proof posetive of the Diagnosis of Down Syndrome. I could NOT bring myself to call for my results.  I knew something was NOT right. This pregnancy was so different from the other three.  When I finally did get up the courage, a week after the results were in, too call my Doctor she said she needed to see me. She wouldn't tell me anything  over the phone. I figured ok Colleen, you can do this just go find out because not knowing was worst than knowing for me.  Through this entire thing, I felt like I was in a dream, preying someone was going wake me up, but it was very very real.

The following day, me and my well known, popular 2 year old Wilson, who always gets the royal treatment at my doctor's office, were called in right away with a waiting room full of expectant moms. All the nurses in the office, who always joke around with me, and Wilson were very somber and not even looking at me, I was thinking too myself,  this just cannot possibly be good.  When I go into the room my Doctor  was waiting and I  could just tell. it wasnt the news I was hoping for.   She was very compassionate, kind, and caring,  and just said there was no easy way too say it , but the baby has Down Syndrome. I said OK..........., now what? She said we had too discuss all my options, I listened too what she said, She said I had two choices, but I had too decide soon because I was Twenty-some weeks pregnant.  I would think about it, and let her know.

As I was leaving, I said it's a girl isn't it? And she said yes..... Then I lost it. I was crushed, talking about bittersweet news! The girl I waited for my whole life, and gave up on the idea of ever having, had Down Syndrome. I tried too get out of the office in one piece without making a fool of myself in a roomful of women having "normal " babies. For me personally,  it was never a choice... I was having Madison regardless of anything. I didnt care what anyone thought about my decision it was mine too make. The backlash I would have too face from from my family and friends, not only because I basically got for lack of a better  term, "knocked up" at thirty nine, not married, and a baby who could potentially have serious health isssues as well. I thought too myself for whatever reason this is all happening, I dont really care what other people think, say, or agree with this is my choice. I could have taken the easy way out, terminated my pregnancy and no one  would have known about any of it. I was raised Catholic my whole life, saw both my parents suffer terribly, trying too fight too live, and thought too myself, life is such a precious thing, and my daughter is meant too be in this world no matter what. I had absolutely no idea what I was in store for , good or bad, but it didnt matter, GOD gave me Maddy for a reason, and just in the short time I have had her, she has taught me so many life lessons already. I appreciate my kids more, all of them, I forgive easier now, try not too let small or things that dont even matter bother me, and I have learned that through posetive thinking and praying a whole lot that anything is possible. This terrible thing that I read about, and  researched,  was happening to me. All the stories...... Abortion rate of 90% on Downs Diagnosis ,wasn't supposed too happen too me .....I always had healthy, happy, big babies. I wanted a beautiful daughter that I  could  buy countless dresses, hats, dolls, and shoes for and take  shopping on  Michigan Ave. and have a tea at the American Girl store.

So when all the dust settled, she was born early, breach, and really fast.... I had an amazing beautiful and happy baby. She has a glow about her that lights up a room and melts your heart. Does she look like she has Down Syndrome? Yes... she does and I love that about her.

Madison has a great support system, Myself, Colleen Bezich her mom,  her brothers Alex who is 17, Michael 11 and Wilson 5, her grandparents,  Bernice and Frank and my parents Maureen and Joe who have both passed away, but I know are watching over Maddy. Her godparents Duane and Mary (aka Beaha) Pecci, and  Lee Knox, . Many many Uncles and 2 wonderful therapists Susan and Sara, along with all Madisons Doctors.

So when I sit here writing this, nothing has really been different than I imagined it would be when I write about my daughter, and I am going to take her too American Girl for tea.  She is my of my lifes JOYS and I would not trade  her for anything. I Thank God for her everyday. She is the daughter I imagined she would be and she is more than I ever could have hoped for. Down Syndrome or NO Down Syndrome, she is an amazing child who smiles all the time, laughs, makes you laugh, and is  always happy, we should all be as kind as Madison is and this world would be a much happier better place for children too grow up in.

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